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| Some of them were big (even HUGE) |
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| Some of them were REALLY small inside |
As the manager of an ambulance service now, I have to balance a lot of different factors when we consider ambulance purchases. Purchase price, fuel economy, safety, maintenance costs and other factors come into play. I've come to appreciate the multiple advantages of the smaller (what we call Type II) ambulances.
A lot of folks don't like them. I hope to change that mindset. It's not an easy task. Our ambulance service in rural Vermont has run two Mercedes Benz Spinter ambulances as front line 9-1-1 trucks for the past three years. Initially our crews weren't happy. But now they like them. So it is possible change some people's minds.
There’s a lot to like here, Beagle.
ReplyDeleteFirst, like @Belle_Tocca and @BKramer, you have a great niche or beat. I had no idea ambulance size was an issue. Right there, you have something interesting.
But it also looks like it’s not for “me” –meaning someone who doesn’t work in the medical field, doesn’t want to think about ambulances, and hopes he’ll never need one.
Do you want to reach the public and encourage them to want smaller ambulances in their community or are you concentrating on the medical world? Either will make a difference in your delivery.
The economy of your writing is great. You get right down to your focus. I love the title. I love this: “We like small ambulances. We think everyone should.”
This could use some work:
“We want to help others see the multiple advantages of small ambulances and we want to share ideas that maximize putting all the stuff we need into a smaller platform.”
Stuff? Anything is better than stuff. Want? Don’t ever tell us what you hope to do. Smart people only invest in a proposal that’s underway. Maximize? That’s not a terrible word, but watch the business speak if you’re disposed to it.
We? Are you a we or an I? Either works. There’s a benefit online to being human over just a brand. Your About is about you. I see it says “moderator,” but until you have multiple authors blogging, the audience will be skeptical of we.
This is writing for an audience of one — yourself — so far. That’s expected. You’re developing what you want to say. This semester, we will use the writing process for discovery as much as communication.
“and I've been in a LOT of ambulances.”
Use language and not italics, bold, or ALL CAPS to stress something. “A lot” is also too economical. It’s rushing by too much good writing. How many? If you really want to impress us, calculate the real number. It’s inevitable in blogging — you’ll do research on yourself.
What’s even better than the number of ambulances? One good story from one of them. Like I said in class, one thrilling small ambulance tale could express your ability to engage us, your credibility on the subject, and the core of your argument.
Lastly, argument is a big subject in this class as well as a big part of your goals.
“Unfortunately ambulances are pieces of crap. Not really, but…”
Right there, in that post anyway, you lost the argument.
Again, lots of good work here. Thanks for posting.
I loved this! Your writing was clear and conversational and personal and at the same time rock solid with authority--impressive in a comfortable, accessible way. I would be grateful to have you be the person I found beside me in my ambulance. I am glad to take this journey with you in your blog. I never knew I was interested in this subject, and in a few paragraphs you convinced me. Now that I am engaged, if you want readers who are not conversant in ambulances, you need to make sure to supply me enough information to understand what you are saying. For instance, when you talk about the Mercedes ambulances you have, I need a brief description of their features that are relevant to the point you are making. Also, what are the benefits to society that you are trying to deliver by converting people to a small ambulance mentality? I can infer some of them from what you write, but it would be good to make them clearer--even the About page is an opportunity to make your case. Thank you! I look forward to the ride!
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